Dear Bitter Single Guy: My boyfriend recently graduated college, while I’ve got two years left. We’d discussed making it work and all, and he was pretty optimistic. But then, out plans didn’t turn out right. He got an internship which doesn’t pay, forcing him to get another job, which equals a lot of work. Due to this, he claims he suddenly just doesn’t see how he’ll have time for any relationship at all since he’ll be working all the time and lives 2 hours away. He says there will be no dating others for him and no random sex, as he has no time which is why we’re not together. Though, if this changes and when time is right, I’ll be the first to know and first pick. He claims this just isn’t the right time and he won’t write it off for the future. Problem is, he’ll be working like this for at least a year. So unless he changes his mind sooner which I’m hoping..that’s the time frame. Of course I want to wait. He tells me not to because it’s not fair. Please tell me what I should really do. He seems like he’s having an early mid-life crisis. HELP. ~Sort-of Dumped~
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Dear SOD: The Bitter Single Guy knows that higher education has ruined more relationships than yours and is bummed for you. The BSG doesn’t think this qualifies as an early mid-life crisis though (that’s still probably awaiting Freaked Out Guy in the future), he thinks this is just a natural reaction to the time commitment he’s just made to a job and an internship.
The BSG thinks this is just a classic dumping. He is choosing his education and career over you. Although the BSG is aware that there are nuances and fine print and ‘yeah, but’ exceptions the fact is that he’s not willing to dump the job/internship so he’s dumped you.
The BSG recommends treating this as an actual dumping, but not a “it’s not you it’s me” sort of dumping. This is more a situational dumping. Although that doesn’t mean a lot today, if there’s ever a chance to get back together that will mean a great deal.
SOD, the BSG thinks you need to get used to being single. If you hold yourself in limbo while you wait out his year-long internship several things could happen:
- He could decide after a year that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore: you’ll feel betrayed.
- He could get another (similarly critical) internship that prevents him from getting back together: you’ll feel betrayed.
- He could find someone in the middle of his internship who is important enough to him that he finds a way to make it work: you’ll feel betrayed.
- It all works out as planned and you’re happy together forever, except that you’ll know that his work will likely come before you: you’ll feel ready for future betrayal.
Getting the picture here, SOD? Unless you look out for yourself here, no one else will. Blame him or don’t blame him…the BSG doesn’t care. Just pull in your defenses and let him go. ~BSG~